For starters there is a bit to learn and not all of it is in books. So you want to be an urban chicken farmer? Let's begin with baby-steps:

• The Law
  Know your rights. Most municipal codes are published on the web. Find out what the ordinances for your municipality have to say.
• The Neighbors
  Make sure you don't have assholes for neighbors -- if you do make sure you are well within the letter of the law.
• The Startup
  After you've made a conscious decision that you're going to become a chicken farmer/owner you'll need to plan to provide the following for your chickens:
• Safety: Opossums find chickens very tasty. So do skunks, raccoons and feral cats. You must provide secure shelter for your chickens at night. Keep in mind skunks are excellent tunnelers.
• Shelter: Chickens don't like the cold, or the rain, or the wind, or the sun. One would think they preferred cavorting in the dappled shade of subtropical forests just like their wild forest-chicken ancestors. There are hundreds of pictures and plans for coops and runs on the internet, for all the whimsical variety they have very similar design details. Study them. Build one.
• Health: Chickens can get all sorts of diseases but in small flocks the probability is much lower than in commercial operations. The biggest contributors to your chickens' good health are cleanliness and a varied, high quality diet.

Aside from general guidelines concerning cleanliness and odors and some very specific instructions about when to apply lime to your chicken yard the relevant portions of CODE OF ORDINANCES City of KANSAS CITY, MISSOURI Codified through Ordinance No. 090784, enacted October 15, 2009, Section 14-15 are as follows:

(a) Location of pens; enclosure required. It shall be unlawful for any person to keep or maintain any chicken coop, dove cote, rabbit hutch or other pen, cage or enclosure for the housing of fowl or small animals, except dogs and cats, closer than 100 feet to the nearest portion of any building occupied by or in any way used by human beings, other than the dwelling occupied by the owner or keeper of the animals or fowl, or closer than 25 feet to the property line of the lot on which such fowl or animals are kept for sale within a bona fide produce market, commission house or store for purposes of trade and while so kept are confined in small coops, boxes or cages, or where such animals or fowl are kept for purposes of research in a laboratory. Animals and fowl so kept or maintained shall be enclosed on all sides and shall not be allowed to run or fly at large, except for homing pigeons.

(b) Control of odors. Every coop, dove cote, rabbit hutch or other yard establishment shall be kept so that no offensive, disagreeable or noxious smell or odor shall arise therefrom to the injury, annoyance or inconvenience of any inhabitants of the neighborhood

(f) Number of animals or fowl; keeping of roosters. Except where fowl, rabbits or other small animals are kept for sale within a bona fide produce market, commission house or store for the purpose of trade and while so kept are confined in small coops, boxes or cages, or where such animals or fowl are kept for purposes of research in a laboratory, or in areas zoned for agricultural use, it shall be unlawful for any person to keep or maintain, within 100 feet of the nearest portion of any dwelling or other building occupied by or in any way used by human beings except for a dwelling occupied by the owner or keeper of such animals, more than 15 chickens or other domestic fowl four months or more of age or 50 chicks or other domestic fowl under four months of age, or more than ten rabbits or other small animals over the age of four months, or more than 25 rabbits or other small animals under the age of four months. No rooster which crows shall be kept within 300 feet of any residence or dwelling except that of the owner or keeper.

The distilled version might go something like this: You can have 15 chickens in a coop that is at least 25' away from your property line and at least 100' from your neighbors' houses and the smell mustn't annoy your neighbors.

Maintenance, repair and operations -- the bane of the software engineer. If you find one that claims to enjoy it you'll find that they aren't really a software engineer at heart they just hold the title. As I sit here slogging my way through deleting several thousand bot registrations and forum comments I remain steadfast in my conviction. I really don't like maintenance.

If you registered in the last month or so your account is probably residing in /dev/null right now. You can blame ANSI SQL for not supporting vocabulary similar to, 'delete * where !(thats_a_familiar_nick_perhaps_its_a_real_person(username));' Sure I probably could have written something elegant and intelligent -- did I mention how much I dislike maintenance? I don't expect to see any complaints from fozo1xoldaxhyk, kapereet, immquig, yemyclov, noelorse, patrdayl or yalfabra so you may as well register again so you can complain here.

Oh hey! It has been a year since kcgeek relaunched al. la., this site.

This beer was designed for no other reason than I love big stouts and coffee. What is presented here is the second iteration of the design and the coffee is huge on the back of the mouth. It may need to be taken back a notch or two.

• #1 coffee, medium roast, french press grind. 'cold brewed' for 2 days in 5qt. water
• Wyeast Scottish Ale yeast
• #2 Crisp Maris Otter
• #1 Simpsons Medium Crystal
• #.5 Simpsons Chocolate
• #.5 Simpsons Black
• #.5 Simpsons Roasted Barley
  Five quarts strike water @170°F for 90 minutes

• 2, #6 NB Amber Malt Syrup

• 1 ounce Galena pellets @60 minutes
• 1 ounce Williamete pellets @20 minutes
• 1 ounce Williamete pellets @ 5 minutes
• 5 cups unfiltered coffee @ 5 minutes
• ~3qts. filtered coffee in primary

Original Gravity 1.100 (04/19/2008)
Final Gravity 1.032 (09/12/2008) -- bottled with no priming sugar.

I must assure you that it is a very apprehensive moment when one opens a bee hive for the very first time. I was concerned at being found to be wanting as a beekeeper rather than the risk of being stung fifteen-or-so-thousand times. This colony seemed gentle but I hadn't invaded their home as yet and if they were to survive the winter they would need the second hive body I was about to add.

After I fired up the smoker -- which as far as I can discern is the primary and usually sole protective device for most beekeepers -- I donned my veil and gloves and carried the new hive body to the colony. It was a sunny afternoon and the bees were busy and happy. I gave the hive entrance a couple of puffs of smoke and they started making a real racket. If you've never heard it before a box full of bees all bzzzzing in unison is somewhat intimidating. After a few moments of trepidation wondering if I were the victim of some universal beekeeper joke and that smoke is really PCP for bees I carefully lifted the hive lid off.

You will be happy to learn that smoke is not PCP for bees and they were busy ignoring my intrusion. The interior old hive body was a mess. It was setup with a nine frame layout only the ninth frame is a frame feeder -- essentially a plastic container open at the top in the general shape of a frame. The feeder was empty which is to be expected; a colony can consume its contents in two or three days.

Mark your calendars, the kcgeek BBQ/Beer tasting is on.

Plan to arrive sometime after 2PM, we'll start to do the real cooking after 3PM. If you aren't a home brewer you don't have to feel left out -- go to your local specialty beer purveyor and pick up something interesting to bring along (if you drink soda, etc. plan on bringing your own).

I'll provide whatever beef I've got in the freezer so it would be appreciated if you could bring a sides (sure Noug, you can bring chips). If you subsist on only beer and air don't feel so encumbered.

I'll get the badminton net up but feel free to bring a glove and a ball or a frisbee. Be aware bees reside at the bottom of the yard now -- you probably don't want to be the person that misses the throw at the end of the yard.

If you can't make it don't feel sad, just tip one for us wherever you are.

"Why yes, Virginia, it appears that I can." Not in any legal sense -- this has yet to be determined -- but I have them. I am now a beekeeper.

I took possession of a 10 frame hive body, migratory cover and bottom board, all of which have seen better days, through a happy series of coincidences about three weeks ago. Contained in this hive body were a new, genetic queen and roughly 15,000 happy and energetic bees.

I hadn't intended to become a beekeeper. Oh sure, I had picked up a book about it a few years ago and thought it was interesting. I imagined myself husbanding numerous hives in various rural settings or collecting swarms while frightened women and children looked on. But the price for being a superhero beekeeper was too great.

Needless to say this was an exceptional deal and although more hardware had to be acquired to perform the tasks necessary to become a successful beekeeper it has its (tiny) rewards. I was surprised to discover just how much time one can spend watching bees. And after you do a bit of reading and learn to identify each job the worker bee does, wow! It's way better than watching fish.

I have finally acquired needed equipment and parts and it is time to do my first hive inspection. The bees need an additional hive body to store enough pollen and honey to survive through the winter -- they don't hibernate. And a inner cover and telescoping cover to provide better ventilation and protection from the elements. So far the adventure has been sting-free with some luck I'll be able to keep it that way.

On a side note, let's use more pesticides. [thanks, Talleyrand]

Part of making great neighborhoods is making great places -- places where there is time for more than a cursory wave or nod of the head. Places where words can be exchanged or hugs or the latest knitting stitch. While $5 grande lattes are beginning to look like a luxury, cafes and coffee shops are the very best place makers there are. But what is the second best?

I discounted parks as place makers long ago -- they're really only good for making out with your underage girlfriend or guzzling McCormick's Vodka (or both). For all the interaction of a cafe without the cost of the latte the community garden looks to run a strong second. When I discovered that Rachel Fracassa and Megan Grimwood had started the Raytown Community Garden just up the street from my house I was rather excited. Place making and gardening combined, if they could work in some hugs it would be perfect.

I pinged Rachel to ask her about her views on gardening, food culture and the project itself. Before we get into the interview I'd like the inform the reader that the garden will be hosting a fundraiser this Saturday 1-4PM.

blather: Tell me a little about the Raytown Community Garden?
Rachel: The garden is on the Rice-Tremonti Homestead at Blue Ridge Blvd. and 67th St. The vegetables will be grown organically in raised cedar beds along side wildflowers and a medicinal herb garden. The garden membership is set up like a CSA, except the majority of the members get produce in exchange for volunteer hours instead of a fee. A few shares will be sold monthly to people that don't have time to come work in the garden. One share is reserved solely for food shelter donation. We really wanted to reach people in various circumstances and be able to provide a resource for them.

On many years when kcgeek was young we had an annual BBQ and as we all went our own ways it ceased to happen but much to everyone's surprise we had another last year. Everyone seems to have had a good time (commenting about the status of my Jeep and the railing on my deck) so I thought we'd start planning kcgeek BBQ II, Volume II.

The best times for these seem to be the second or third weekend of May or the second weekend of June. Let's begin by giving our preferences and see if we can plan something that most can attend this year.

There should be lots of home brewed beer to taste (I've really been cranking through it since I've been fully employed for more than 12 consecutive months and if Matt joins us I know he's been cranking it out too) and I've still got quite a bit of beef for the grill.

I would be glad to host it at Casa de blather again and I'm available the following weekends: May 16-17, May 30-31, June 6-7 and June 13-14. Let's get this ball rolling.
 
 
 
 
 

dork (dôrk)
n.
1. Slang A stupid, inept, or foolish person.
2. Vulgar Slang The penis.

Probably not. Similarly it never really became that cool to be labeled a nerd or a geek -- unless you're worth a billion dollars, then it's OK.

Nevertheless, we do delight (from our pillar of social aptness) in the hilarity that ensues when viewing dorks in dorky situations doing dorky things*. Enter Dork Yearbook. Inspired by this post on boingboing's gadget blog, the site invites you to "Send me your own dorky pictures so I may laugh at them! Ha ha!". The commentary is inspired and gives good laughs even if you're only laughing at yourself.

I am so happy that cameras weren't present when I was being a dork.

* s/dork/penis/ for the real hilarity.